Fear

Today I eventually made a visit to my grandparents’ new aged residential house in Burwood eastern suburb. It was a very nice house with sufficient sunshine overall the whole house. They also have front and back yards, with a BBQ area in front. We had a very nice long lunch under the smoothed hands of the sun.

Despite of having a nice weather today, I did not feel very happy in the end. Like most of the time after talking to my grandma, I feel upset for various reasons. This time is for my future study. She doesn’t want me to pursue for a further Master degree and suggests that I even I could not get a job I could still work in a restaurant until I get my PR. She doesn’t know how much I don’t want to stay. To be frankly, if there is nothing that ties me here, even I get a PR I will still leave. Master degree is a rope that ties me to an Australia citizenship and the satisfaction of my grandma. On top of that, I hate the way she always compares me with Lina. No matter how close we are, we are completely different persons. She will have her stable and comfortable live. I am an opposite personality of her. I like to be different. For bad and worse, I have to restrain her pressure for living in Australia, earn a lot of money and then immigrate the whole family! As in the position of her favourite beloved grandchild, I understand she expects me a lot. Unfortunately, I am a wild person that will only gallop in a plain I find myself.

All at a sudden, I have a fear in my heart - fear of loosing my flatmate; fear of being a leader; fear of future; fear of that mid-night voice and those three words. Why should I fear? What should I fear for?