A late night conversation

It was 2am, my eyes narrowed in a line, hands behind my back supporting my fatigued torso, and I was still in a conversation in my room with him.

Yesterday almost ruined me. Having to work for 14 hours NON-STOP, I dropped by to the local pub where my workmate, Erica, held her farewell party. She is heading to New York on Monday, then back to her home country Italia. After a short chat, he sent me home and stayed on for talk till 3:30am. I had not had this kind of in depth life-talk since the break-up and big C’s leave. Things have changed significantly, my old world collapsed and I totally changed to a completely new person. I resist to think too far away, to take on things beyond my responsibility, to tell people my philosophy, to be too serious to relationship. Instead, I try to help people in every way I can, and not allow guilt subsist in my mind. Loads of work and activities are occupying my time from getting involved in relationship. However, yuanfeng comes with no sign. We are still in the fetus stage; I am the one who want to nip it in the bud. What is the point for us to wast time on developing a relationship? I am going to leave next year for sure. I am a very serious and committed person; memory is still licking my wound from time to time in the past one and a half year. It would be ideal that I could find someone who can look after me, whereas, I have such a strong characteristic that scares away a lot of guys. On top of that, he is a Honkie, which goes against my gut a little bit. From the rumour of Honkie guy, I don’t have confident on them.

Several points I want to highlight in our conversation:
·The rule of the game: I don’t agree with his claim on knowing the rule of the game and playing it more harden than others. I would prefer not to play with rule, even though I know the rule. I don’t believe in rule. Having been through the subject dispute as well as some legal studies, I know rule does not always apply to make us comply.
·Experience Vs Qualification: he is confident, yet is currently casted with a negative lens to the world, like what I did before. I believe that finding a way to work out a solution is far more useful than anxiously grumbling on faith. Talking to more people to exchange information could be extremely helpful.
·The thing I like about him is his ambitious. Unlike my ex-s, he has plan laying ahead (further thought are remained undisclosed in my personal diary).

I am still very arrogant sometimes. However, my language level needs a bit more work on to push up to a higher level; otherwise, my arrogant will not sustain without substance. I could hold a normal daily conversation, yet I need to pay more attention to my expressions, tense and used of sophisticated words.

Candy pointed out an important point that no matter how capable we are, experience and age play a weighty role in our career progression. I am now a sorta get half of my foot into the advertising industry, and start knowing more about the inside story other than its glorified aura. In this industry, experience and networks can win you a good position. I would rather take this industry as an entry point, starting from here then walk my way through to another direction.

I want to look younger, act older, talk more sophisticated, and work more imperturbable. I want to start my own project with a good mentor. I want to be a good leader again, other than working as a little fish in an Italian restaurant on Lygon.

Instead of taking in candy to relief stress, now I turn to binge tea drinking and consume no taste biscuit cracker. I could not take in snacks that are high in sugar, which thicken my sliver that may chock me up. I also start eating small portion of meal to help my stomach to recover from the acid revolting incident.

I lost the Australian Breast Cancer donation bracelet ~tears dropping down~