Sinking to the bottom of the sea

I have received the Singapore leading Oncologist diagnosis based on my dad’s medical report. My heart sunk to the bottom of the sea, grasp stroke deep inside one after another. I almost could not make it for the day – body went cold, headache, and tears busting out. I find it really hard to tell my family what the doctor said in the email. My poor mum, she rumbled to me after the diagnosis that “It is very hard to bear this while I have to pretend in front of your father that everything is OK.”

I have found myself changed significantly since last Saturday. When I was undergoing antibiotics, I could hardly stand the side effects and cried out several times. Imagine it is a chemo! I really don't want my beloved father go through the painful treatment and in the end only got spare for 6 more months. It is a decision our family has to make. Suddenly, I feel have grown up from a play-play girl to a responsible person. The home relies on me now. I have to take care of my dad, mum, and grandma. At the end of the date, I will have to comfort all of them despite I myself bearing great sorrow within.

I am their pearl in the palm since the day I was born. With no choice, I have to act like an adult from now on. All the dancing, traveling, and freedom become not that important anymore. You know the one you love is dieing and you could do so little to help; the feeling is killing you.

I know what “Stage IV metastatic cancer” means, and I clearly know its survival rate.