Longing for ...

I am a bit under the blue since I came back from Hong Kong. All at a sudden, issues I have been trying to put aside start popping up right to my face. I begin to question my self-confidence, capabilities and ambitious. The courageous that I was proud of a year ago suddenly vanishes inside me. I intuit insecure and feared!

Since I was found sick, I always feel the road is long – I was longing for no more medicines, longing for the day to go to Singapore, longing for the day of traveling, now I am longing to come back, longing to settle down, longing for the 1.5years of confinement in this Pacific continent to end …… Maybe it is a good thing that I always have something to look forward to.

Every time dad coughs or complains about bone pain, my heart twitches. I’d wake him up from the afternoon nap for dinner just to make sure he is still breathing. How can I be so cruel to leave my parents behind and go again?