Bored

I was extremely busy in the last a couple of weeks – trying to clearing some project queries and winding up this three-month project. I could not even take sick leave while my head was spinning. I was finally able to breathe in some lazy air today, did nothing but reading news for the whole day! Well, I don't know how I can keep myself entertain in late November when everything is winding up and no projects will be executed. Maybe I can use the spare time to force myself to finish my diploma or take the CAPM exam.

Still, when I am alone, I can’t stop my tears whenever I think back my life since my 21st. Many things have happened – good, bad and mistakes. Too many and too dramatic.

Migraine

I don't know how I dragged myself out of bed and drove to work in one piece this morning. My head has been spinning since last night. I was bearing this severe migraine for the whole day. I could not wait to get out of work at 5pm sharp – I thought I would be fainted if I stayed there any longer. Like last night and the night before, I have a mild fever on the way back home. I was lucky enough to make it home safely.

I desired so much to run under such a perfect weather. Faith prohibited me from enjoying my life as always. I could only let the smoothing wind touch my skin briefly before I hide myself in bed before dark.

If I could get over the illness this time alone, I don't think I really need someone. It is always good to have someone to be with you, especially when I am as sick as now. But lip service as always, I will prefer to be left alone and live my way as I always do.

Very upset, sick and lonely

For a very long time, I haven’t been this sick – throat ache, aching muscles, dizziness, mild fever and fatigue. Indeed, I have not been any better since I came back to Melbourne. Yes, I have got a job, so what? I may be better off staying home with my parents. At least I would be taken care of when I am not well. I could also spend some time with my ailing father. I just can’t wait for the day I can leave this city, hopefully forever.

The gloomy side of me slowly kills off my laughter and wits. My skin and smiles are purely a shell. For as long as I can remember, I was thrown in the dark, struggling to survive, hinge to the edge of life at some stage. I was made to stand on my own feet, venture out to seek for a new life, and try to take care of others. No one really understands the emotional stress I have been withstanding. To add salt to the wound, I was blamed by a lot of things. I would rather be leaving alone, clasping to a frail lifeline on my own than being surrounding by people who expect anonymous things from me.

Car accident

My life was distorted after the minor car accident this morning. For the first time, I realised that no one will stand behind to support me when I am in trouble. I am indeed on my own, if not more is required to take care of others. In fact, I have to take care of my parents.

The payment to my victim, a brand new red BMW, was sort out with my insurance company. That is 1K. My car? Well, I wish I am not living in Melbourne so I don’t need a car. At least, I can rely on frequent public transport in Sydney. Anyway, I am still waiting for the quote to come back to me, expecting another 1K.

I haven’t called my grandma for almost a month now; I used to call her at least once a fortnight. What can we talk about? I just became frustrated when she was chasing behind my back and yelling out “get married, buy a house, have several kids …” I feel sick every time I think of what she has said.