9月10日

9月10日这是平常的一天，因为你的离去，我们必将终生铭记这一天。你是这样的一个朋友，值得我，值得我们用一生的时间来不断回忆。你虽然辞世而去，可是你仍然活着，你会在我们的记忆里生生不息，而且历久弥新。

这回你是真正的生活在别处了，到天国去旅游了， 无论在哪，希望你能找到象我们一样让你快乐的好朋友。

慢慢的走吧，随着风儿，假如你还眷恋这个世界，那就再回头看看吧，带上我的祝福：一路走好！！！


I can’t believe two years have gone just like a blow of wind. So much have happened - my beloved father has gone through a painful process of dying and I have moved from one country to another and to another. When you realize you have no choice and not much time left, you can only treasure every second of it. Shouldn’t we do it right now right here? Why wait and turn a blind eye to things and people surrounding you? Indeed, life is short. You can turn into ashes just a matter of two days.

A new chapters have opened in front of me and I shall not waste a single page of it.

Drifting

I start throwing things away again – heart still not settles and am hoping to venture out once more. No one to blame and nothing to complain, it is all by faith. I can’t see the end of the tunnel. I have given up building my dream castle: one wall laid and faith pushes down the bricks. Seriously, why bother? Why dream? I made lots of dreams and stopped one day when they were all struck down beyond my control. I just look so helpless in front of faith.

When my time is served and my duty for my beloved father is accomplished, I can’t wait a second longer to leave the city I never like. I want to make my own choice while I still be able to steer my will.

Catching up with health

My blood test result is out – I am getting fitter but still a long way to catch up for someone as my age. I can only keep on doing what I am doing and try to shorten the distance.

My aunty was urging me to buy a property. Indeed, it is now a good time to buy given the interest rate is low and large sum from government incentive. Yet, I really don't want to committee to something will take 20 – 40 years. I don't even know if I can live up to 65. Having this thought is quite scary, only 40 more years ahead of me! I don't want to get tied up by a piece of land and some bricks for most of my life and die watching my children/partner living in my hard earn property. I admit being selfish; who is not?

I am getting a bored with my job. I think looking for a new job will be on my new year’s resolution list.

December baby

December comes again. Always my favourite month of the year, I used to look forward to the 2nd last day of the year, now I am waiting for the work breakout day to have a break. I feel I do need a break to refresh myself after working for six months.

I was having a lunch conversation with my colleagues, one is living from home while another is a spoiled little princes. We shared views on difficulties of living away from the family, the life after paying a big chunk of your salary to rent and daily expenses, and a “luxury” lifestyle while your parents are still feeding you and providing accommodation to you for free. Regardless, they are all saving up for a house. I did, indeed, feel a bit sour – no matter how hard I save, there is not a house shadow seen anywhere near me. It would be much easier to give up than save up for one, or else, build one in someone’s abandoned backyard. I am and have always been immune to my grandma/aunt’s marriage + house + children theory. They imagine things out of reality, never take a look what is behind my back. Why was I sick? Why did I leave?

At work, we are all dragging these last three weeks before we go for a-month long holiday. I am hoping to prepare for my diploma assessment and, hopefully, pass the professional title exam.

November

Melbourne is indeed a small village. I found out recently that several of my friends are also friends of my other friends’ friends. A small circle back, we are all one happy friendship.

The first week of November is always disorganized and had no routine. I was whining about following the same routine week after week, now is a good change.

November is a lovely month. Not only I feel the most rich in the year, I also have an unspoken anxiety for the Christmas month to come. I would also start sketching for my birthday present. Yet this year, my hard earned money will only be spent on one purpose. Same as my birthday wish.

1st November week

Next week is racing week. To a lot of people, it is a long weekend. It never is to me. Since second year of Uni, I always have to work very hard in those four racing days. After experiencing six years of races, I totally loose interest in this noisy and flimsy carnival. I don't adore does fancy dresses, inches high heals, or nice hats – they are and will never be mine. I would rather work humbly behind the counter and save up enough for my trips overseas than squeezing with others in an animal barn like racecourse. What so interesting of watching horses run?

Some Melbournians use this opportunity to take a break out of town. The Eastern freeway was jammed both ways: people trying to go to the countries and people trying to get into the city for parties. More traffics yet to be seen on Cup Day.

One week goes pass swiftly, which makes me feel a bit scared. On every Friday, I ask myself: “OMG, another week again!” It is the comfortable routine that I got into worries me. Yet, I am still content and happy with my job. Maybe, my world will revolve to another direction when I get bored again. Currently, it is almost centered around a couple of people.

Thoughts

I redid the Flemington Racecourse induction – the feeling was totally different six years ago. I was 19, walking up the windy road to the grandstand in the drizzle, studying in Media school, dreaming to become an event organizer/manager and anxious about the Cup carnival. Six years later, I still need to work in the Racecourse. The differences were I was much more mature, have managed regional events, have stood behind the camera and listened to my anticipated interviews by the journalists. If I want, I could even be one of the corporate guesses sipping Champaign in Grandstand.

What is holding me back?

A lot of things. If life is as simple as Lina’s fairytale world, I would not be as tough as what I am now.

I do not feel a pinch from the financial market crack down, because I don't have many things. True. Over these years, what I have accumulated? Started from grand zero and working really hard to put things together, once, twice, again and again. However, circumstances change, things are being taken away, and I have to start all over again. Maybe that is why I don't really want to own anything. I just find the less I have, the less I will care about loosing. I hate whoever asks me to commit to something that will tight me up for years – hold on to what I am having now, only care tomorrow to a certain extend (but don't live like there is no tomorrow, I need something to look forward to)!