Confronted with unexpected

I am going to give my beloved violent to my uncle soon. In return, I am given an one-week beachside holiday (not sure if it will be free) in Philip Island during Christmas. Pretty sad. Before I moved to Melbourne, I used to play with it for hours. From scrannel to composed songs, I immersed myself into music quite a lot. However, my whole world changed four years ago. Not even to think about continuing my lessons, I can hardly find time to play with it.

Isn’t it called “sacrificed ratio”? If I want to gain something, I must lose something for it. Good or not? No one knows. Human is useless when they are confronting with social desires and unexpected changes.

I talked about “sacrifice” with my going-to-be ex-flatmate. In the balance of family and career, how can a woman make decisions? Woman is incapable for such kind of things in the modern society. Eventually, most of them will get marry, then children, then … you are stuck in the family generation circle. OR, you can choose to lead a freedom life without the joy as in a family. I always worry too much and not happy when I stay alone. This is because I expect a lot. Those things are not unreachable, but require a strong will; and most importantly – a SACRIFICE. I want to bring out my values and get people appreciate for them, while I also want to have a simple life. A family? Yes, a family! My friends might be surprised if they read my blog, as I am the only one in our age group who were saying “no family, no crime” without even an eyebrow raise. And now I am yelling for a family here!? Ridiculous! But that is the unexpected change in my mind within this year.

I am still troubling with eating disorder by far. I forgive myself for having junk food and obsessing with bread in the last two days. If I can not have the basic stress transplanting, I will be freak out at the end of the day.

Yesterday was reported as one of the wildest Melbourne weather in record. No wonder I swore as those wetty people did in the shitty tram.

Still have not recovered from the blue mood, I encountered a once of thousand time incident today. The union computer staff mixed up my student card with another girl’s. So now I am walking in Uni without an identity. The girl who took my ID was the student host in my first year and I just recently deleted her phone number! This is life. Things always happen with surprised.

Good news is I find another accommodation already. Lucky enough to spot on a place that cannot be any close to uni: with 1 min walk, I can reach the union house in the campus centre.

While I was writing this blog, Junie told me that she would not go to Sydney but, instead, back to Singapore. Her father fell sick again. She had to go back even though she was offered a job interview there and had already booked the ticket. No choice. No matter how much she longs for working in Australia, she has to go back for those unescapable family responsibilities. If I were her, I would do the same as I love my dad so much.

A shit day

I am very obsessive with food in the last two days. From the medical view, it is something not good for health, but unavoidable when you are under stress. What else can I do to transfer my tense up nerve? After this period of time, I know the sky will be bright again.

Today is the worst weather I have ever had in Melbourne. Missing THREE trams just for a minute, I had a shit morning with myself all wet after waiting at the tramp stop for another 20 mins. Winds are blowing widely outside, and my body is trembling from my potential sickness virus plus the pains from my burnt fingers. Exhausted and mindless, I am hoping for good times to come. After reading Tessa's blog, I realize why should I always be blue? Losing my vision of the world in low tide is unforgivable, although I know I still can not let some memory go. Let things go naturally!

My new flat mate is going back to Sydney. We will all move out by the end of next month, which is really good timing. I don’t want to live there anymore. A change may initiate my life enthusiastic. Nevertheless, I want to spend my last year of Melbourne experience in somewhere different.

p.s. I have updated my photos in a new webspace, pls check it out if you are interested.

Finger burnt

Rarely, I would cook for myself. And when this rare moment happened, I did something very stupid - I had my fingers burnt! Three of my poor sensors were severely burnt because I touched the stove wire soon after I cooked. Mind was galloped somewhere in the memory, while I lifted the 100C+ stove wire nonsense. Three blisters immediately find their way out. This is the only gut I do not change in a year. I am still as silly and mindless as the time I fell into a rose tree.

Studying till 2am this morning. I was so bored that I re-read some of the letters received on my birthday last year. Don't be surprised; I still keep them, although they are all in electronic forms with no human warmth attached. Tell you the truth, I almost keep every email I received. I value these emails, some of them are precious to me. Every time in the low tide of my life, I would re-read them to gain momentum. Encouragement, ambitious, care and false promises, no matter what the contents are, they teach me different lessons…

Lygon Fest

A year is merely a brief dimension as in the time scale. By the time I woke up this morning, I found myself two months and five days ahead of my 21st. I don’t think there will be any big celebration as most of my friends will not be in Melbourne. And there is no point to celebrate you get older and must have to take on every responsibilities yourself. I am feeling old.

Yesterday was another lovely Melbourne Sunday, the same as last year this time. I have incredibly good memory. Almost every single little things can stick in my mind for quite a long time. It was another year of Lygon Fest. Nothing interested me really, except for the weather. I gave myself up to my three assignments and walked out to enjoy the sun on the Italian Plaza in Carlton. Due to the funding and local council issue, the size of this year’s Festa was much smaller than last year. No road close off, no parade, only those children’s jumping castle could be kept. The restaurant on Lygon was as busy as they used to be. The atmosphere of fiesta was evaporated through their smell of food. The street for Italian. The street for a Melbourne Sunday. I can not wait to finish this semester and find a seat on Lygon and enjoying the short Melbourne spring!

Long to go under the sun

I have locked myself in the computer lab in the last two days. I know, I know, if I can not finish all my assignment before next Saturday, I will not have time. I am going to work in Melbourne cup day! Nothing has changed much at this time of the year as in my workload. I think I still need to stay in the lab in the next two days.

The sun outside is luring my mind, the other half of me are striving towards the sunshine while the other half surprises my eager as the rests in the lab. Wu~~Wu~~ one more month, then I can escape the study cage!

My locker is an assortment of bit of everything: bread, jacket, books, hand-cream, bananas, apples, shoes, big poster and swim suits. It is a reflection of my recent life-style.

Alien

Sometimes I feel like I am alienated from the others, even I have got ambitious and passion with the activities I involved. Within CTG, I only choose to hang out with those mandarin speakers who are from Southeast region. Hongkies or inland China people have their own group that neither me nor them want to interact that much. Within Aussies, I don’t know, nothing has ever initiated my companionship with those activated. I am doing it because I am doing it. 好多时是，我会觉得：“咦~~~ I don’t like her/him.” “I don’t want to deal with them unless necessary.” I am not a good P.R. intrinsically. There was a friend of mine chose not to deal with those people he did not like. His philosophy was “I am like that. It is your choice to go away if you don’t like me.” Whereas, we are living in a society that everyone have to corporate for, honestly, your own good. If I don’t want to adjust my personally behaviour, I am the one who suffer in the end.

Here is a scrap come up to me nonsense. Everything in this world has a numerical scale. Without this vectors, people can only assess your achieve by guess. That is why finance is popular, accounting is popular. Think in this way, isn’t it horrible to calculate a value of a soul by the combination of ten numbers?

late night talk

My new flatmate was surprised to know that I had experience in almost every aspects in the media industry – radio, TV, film, theatre, advertising, PR, and event. Straddling at the doorsteps of these media, I am too scare to get my first foot in. There are so many adverse and unpredictable circumstances out there in the messy world. When I was young and energetic, I am interested in everything and had no fear of getting my hands dirty. Now, I am old and sceptical, my philosophic is just “Whatever, unless this job can get me good money.” I think I become a normal person rather than feeling myself a superior as I once did.

Sacrifice

Friday night 11:15pm: I have been sitting in front of the computer for ages to write my 3000 words industry report. My eyes are sore; my head is spinning; my stomach is groaning. CTG people are having another Party called PPP in a city club right now, while I am confined in front of a cold bloody machine to write stuff. This is call sacrifice, as I was asked in CTG interview - “are you ready to sacrifice your leisure time?” Now it is the time for me to take the results.

Progressively improving

Monday was my last dance class for street Latin as next two weeks will be just “Jack-n-Jill” social dance. I am quite happy to see my progress from beginner to a silver level and master the hard piece of Samba and Salsa steps. When first came to observe the seniors demonstrated those steps, I thought “OMG, how long will it take me to get to their level?” Things come gradually easier as I keep practising and observing others. It is the same rule for everything, you can not achieve a goal without putting any efforts and time.

Towards the end of this semester I know myself have moved to or eager to move to a higher level of interpersonal constraints. My Street Latin and Swing dance will be in intermediate level in the holiday; my economic knowledge upgrades from Intro to Intermediate; my event management passion moves to concern about decision making rather than basic hands-on stage; my English skill is improving bit by bit everyday; my role in a team work will no longer stay as a follower but directing. Compared to last year this time, I have significantly changed my view as well as my skills. There are still a lot of things out there I don’t know and I have not yet achieved. That is why people are living everyday.

There was once I was asked a question: “Do you choose to be a stupid but happy big or a wise but busy man?” I always want to be that pig, but the fact is I am the one stuck in the middle and become a man-pig ogre.

A losing industry

Today we were talking about Chinese media in our Asia-Pacific lecture. I am ashamed to admit that I do not know much about my country’s media system. This is because I never watched CCTV or read any Party oriented newspaper. My memory of Chinese media is Hong Kong style mixed with China ideology, which is more conservative about digging out people’s private live. However, I don’t care if it is state or commercial oriented as I have no more interest in any mass media now.

Another area that loses my interest is event management. Before this year, I was eager, desperate in a way, to do event. I admired those event managers and followed every event that happened within my internship. The more I know, the higher position I want to get to. Event is just at the lower ground of marketing; everything is hands-on and no need to hold any academic background. The higher level is PR, then is advertising. The strategy planner is the position I want to climb to. The reality is, you must endure to do something for getting up to a higher level later on. There is no such thing of sitting on top without years of experience. What I need to do now is keep my vision and strive for it, if I want my value be recognised by others.

A taste of heat

My spirit is always driven by the weather. These two days, Melbourne city is heat up by 30C. I sit in the south lawn during lunch times, enjoying the bless God gives to me after such a long time of darkness and rainy. Summer overruns spring!

Hot without evaporation. I will soon be track indoor again by Melbourne’s breathless heat. It is a bit sad for me that I can not throw myself for the sunshine I have been longed for because of the heat. There were several times last year that I suffocated from the heat. Feel like being put in an oven and baked for unlimited hours, I could not grap conscious for a few seconds. My memory of Melbourne summer (I only spent one summer in Melbourne) was I lay in the veranda of my aunt’s house and watched my cousins fighting with each other. This is my summer memory.

There is a Hong Kong girl in CTG admin I really like and admire; a lovely creature with sweetest smile and politelest manner. Hmm … next year I should start chasing her (just kidding lah, I mean to make friends with her). Hollwen is knocking at the door!

Back to my normal life from today!

Currently I am chased by a guy I don’t really like. He is nice in a way, but I think once he gets to know me more he will be scared off by my busy daily schedule. I am happy to see others become couple, not myself. A relationship takes up too much of my time and I become very sceptical to guys after so many disappointments. On top of that, only one more year left in Melbourne, I don’t want to have any unnecessary commitments that make me stuck in this city.

Photos of CTG - Family

New photos have been put up in my photogallery. If you are interested pls click the link on the left sidebar to view. Hope you can share our fun!

A life time memory

Finally, finally, we bumped out of the theatre in the mid-night last night after six months of working with this Mandarin play. Crying and hugging were everywhere; production booklets were flipping around for leaving words; cameras were flashing from every angles on the stage. So many hard works had been put in, this production would stay in many people’s mind forever.

We made every piece of sets and some props; trying hard to find traditional Chinese costumes; conducting workshop to teach people for theatre make-ups; and coordinating people for backstage rehearsals. The experience of calling 20+ people on Sunday night; last minute changing for stage plans; raining night in the garage for discussing how to do with the ponderous bed; and the meeting at 6pm every show for backstage. I would value this experience and the friends I made in the production. Without the supports from some of my crews, I would not be able to lead a smooth and happy backstage department. It is happy to see them, especially those first-years’, are eager to participate for next year’s production. Add to my joyfulness is I see two of my crews become couple after the production. The feeling within me is like a mother to see her daughter/sun to find her/his love.

The following bump out dinner was an absolute clamours scenario in the late night Chinatown. 80+ CTG people filled up the second floor of a restaurant for catching up. In our backstage table, I asked my crews that: “During the production time, how many KFC have you guys eaten?” Answered with one voice: “Countless!” My assistant even said: “I gain weight after the production, always KFC and late dinner.”

After this play, some of them would only have four more weeks in university and leave Melbourne back home or to overseas. No matter where they go, I wish the best for them and hope to see them somewhere in the world in the future. Some of them tell me that it is a bit scary to know they are uni life is going to end soon. Years of studies and happiness in the academic environment would be the best part in their lives.

I had explored my way of leadership skill as well as learning from the other leaders. The words “greater power comes with greater responsibilities” do not come from ease. To the most of my spirit is my hard work is appreciated by my crews and other department leaders. The descriptions of me as “a good leader”, “terrific job”, “happy” relief all my stress and tiredness, which I have collected since I take on this role.

Recently I have been busy studying media in Singapore. The more I read about its country profiles and articles, the more compelling feeling I have towards it. Sadly enough, my new flatmate always discourages my vision of this tiny city-state. She tells me that: “Singaporean is no better than Honkies, except for it is smaller and stricter.” Is this true? I will know by the time I am there.

I just handed in my Macro assignment, which is about oil price and interest rate. There are so many ambiguous factors in the world of economic that makes the world a mess place. Everything is illusion and unpredictable. That is why the world is an amazing place. That is why I am distress for quite sometime when I first open my eyes to step into this dirt.

Another things are taken up in my mind is researching for short course in Melbourne institution. I know I will be an intern in this summer plus a summer school in late January; I still want to keep myself busy. The real world is curl and there are so many things I don’t know. A bachelor degree is merely an infant step. This simple girl has to update herself to win a space in competitions.

What am I up to?
Busy with my papers for:
Singapore’s film industry
Australian digital broadcasting
Advertising plan for an aero company

A lying corp

Today I am really lack of motivation to do anything except lying on my coach reading Ogilvy View Point. Have been non-stop working in my two-week holiday, my world suddenly lands on a quiet ground – no more planning, no more meeting, no more calling! I even cancelled my visit to my aunt’s Yum Cha invitation and cooked for myself (noodle only lah) for compensating my lazy bum.

As usual, it was a grey day in Melbourne, as vague as Labour’s Grey appeal. My day ended up with my stomach-ache and crawl myself to bed surprisingly early.

Last night, after the third scene changes, I found all my crews were gathering around the backstage TV. They were waiting to see David to sit on the wooden stool and how he would fall again! To their disappoint, instead of sitting on the chair, he squatted down as he was forbidden by the set’s people to break any of their products!

I find myself easily lose passion. Every time I try to motivate myself and enjoy the things I am doing, I just can not resist thinking about the negative sides. The person(s) who lead me into this state would never be forgiven.

The first show

I didn’t expect we could have such a great success in our first show. Actually, we turned the tragedy into comedy and I was laughing all the time at the back. The casts presented the whole play in a first-class standard, and people could not believe it all came from students with little or no experience. There was one act that while the wife was hitting her husband (David) for getting back her jewellery, the chair David sat on suddenly broke and he felt on the floor. The audience thought it was part of the play, but our production people knew it was an accident. I could not stop myself laughing for five minutes! After the show, we all pin-point to the set designer Michael and teased him: “Was it your design? Did you make it? So hilarious!” hahaha…… four more shows to go then I will be free to my assignment lah!

For backstage, I really proud and appreciate for their dedication and the great job they had done in the first show. Backstage is not an easy department. It is always ignored but very important for the success of a play. When the play starts, my command is just below the stage manager. While waiting for the scene changes, they have to find something to entertain themselves; once I call for cues, they have to be quick and soft. After all those headache planning, now I am having an ease off during the show. The not so good thing is I have to read the script five times to watch the cues, timing, props and scenes changes. One of the prop’s crew felt surprise that I could remember every casts’ script. Ai…… if you read the script book more than five times, you can do it too.

What I want?

Last night I was talking to my new flatmate about media, especially advertising, industry. We had a same feeling that if we really want to climb up high in this industry, we must give up our life. Every minute is devoted to work in exchange for the five-figure income every month. So the question mark is put on what we really want for our life.

I don’t want my life keep as busy as I am now. In this September, I am in the theatre more than at home. People could only find me in the theatre. One of my crew said, by the time this play finished, we should go out to eat and talk about anything except CTG.