Halt blogging for CTG

Last night I threw myself on bed immediately after I reached home. Within these two weeks, I completely devote myself to the Theatre. Trying to be a good leader requires me to be punctual, responsible, in charge for everything in the backstage, sets and props stuff, allocate people, managing conflicts and have meeting with production team people everyday after rehearsal. In a certain stage I ask myself: why I like this kind of “back curtain” thing? I do not obey the normal rule in most of the time. When I watched stage live performance or TV entertainment programs, I did not pay attention to their contents. The big question mark in my mind was how they make such programs? What were behind the scenes? Anyway, now I have no way to turn back and regret whatever I had done or thought, I must move forward and do a good job to fulfil my commitment.

While we were waiting in the backstage for the scene changes, my assistant, some Hongkies and me sat around the set wooden table to gossip. We all consent that Singapore guys are not handsome and Hongkies are all playboys (yeah, we are totally bias). Then we changed topic to clubbing. As two of my crews were going to “Reclaim”, an Asian clubbing theme, later on, I suggested that “it would be your first time and your last time.” There were too many people there, and you could not even move your body in the dance floor. For clubbing, I like to go to a smaller weekend one. But I seldom go clubbing these days, one because I am busy all the time; second is I like techno while most of my clubbing buddies like R&B (huh~~~~). The most entertaining place for me now is my bed!

Grand Final

Yesterday was Grand Final, a final match of an Australian rule football game. It was a yearly sport event that the whole nation watches and celebrates together. The teams that got into final this year was Port Adelaide and Brisbane Lion. I am not a big fan of this kind of football game, however, having lived in this country for quite a while, I adapt to talk with people about football in their conversation. I expected Brisbane to win as it was the winner in the last few years. Yet Adelaide beat it and broke Bris’ dream of consecutive winning for four years!

As the match happened in the city, it was a quiet night for our restaurant. We all finished work at 10pm. Soon after work, another girl Tina and me could not wait to go downtown to join in the fun. Firstly we went to Young & Jackson. There was a live ban there as usual. We wanted to spend the rest of our night in this heritage pub. Very disappointed that the music was so crap that drove us away straight away. Then we wondered around Elizabeth and Lonsdale street to spot a nice pub place. We ended up waiting in a queue to get into the Lounge which turned out to be asked for $10 entry fee. No more other place within my knowledge, we had to go home earlier and prepared for today’s anniversary Yum Cha event.

The poor woman in my restaurant is a psycho. She could greet me with warm kiss when I started work but swore at me with “F~~~!” It was not my fault and I did not even know what the hell was going on. After her swore, many girls came to me and said “she has no right to swear at me like that. Go and tell the boos.” I did not feel angry or something towards her as I know she had been through many hardships in her life. Yet, you could not put all these personal matters on me, on anyone else. I did not tell the boss, BUT, I knew if I did not do anything to defend myself, I would loose my dignity hereafter. I told the manager and spread the words around the other girls. By the end of the night, she came to me and said sorry to me. I don’t want to hurt her or give her any bad reputation, but it is not my responsibility to loose my dignity to defend her. If it is not my responsibility, I should not take on it. I just don’t want myself get hurt again as I used to be.

Last year from today onwards, my life went through a journey of dramatic and unpredictable changes. All those memories still vividly stamp in my mind. September was overindulged, October was chaos, and November was the most enjoyable time in my life.

An irritated guy

The stage manager is such a dickhead that none of our department member likes him. He is a stereotype of supercilious Honkie guy, rule and arrogant. People may think I am bad luck to work with such kind of person, the fact is, I don’t mind to deal with him. As in the real world, I definitely will confront with people worse than him. This time would be a great chance for me to practise my leadership skill and maintain my principle in a hard stance. There were several times in the last few days of rehearsal we had arguments. I did not either give in or fought with him. What I did was follow my plan and did whatever our department should do. However, I need firmer stance on my point next time (I am sure we would have “next time” conflict). Otherwise, how could I look after my crews?

Last night, the whole CTG admin and production people had a pre-production dinner. The sets and props leaders were in my table. Within our table talks, we all agreed with one point that WE WOULD NOT BE LEADERS NEXT YEAR! It is true that we would get a lot out of this production. Yet, being a crew is always easier than being a leader, at least they don’t need to take on so many responsibilities. The set designer, Michael, said: “吃饭时吾好讲工事, 比我吃番餐安乐饭啦.” This only the snap shot of our leaders’ life.

I suddenly realise now is Thursday night. How can time slip away without my notice? Every day in this week I put myself in the rehearsal and nearly want to hang myself up for leading a department. My job is to see who is on the stage now; when we should cue in; what is on the stage and what is not; what sets/props should be there for the next scene. Things have to be detailed to which person should look after. On top of that, communication between costume, make-up, and props department are also my role. No next year ah!

Riduculous

Today I have a day off from CTG rehearsal, however, it doesn’t mean that I could have a day off. Heaps of plans have to make. I had been doing the crew cues for 3 hours as I have to make sure every props and sets on the stage have assigned to a crew. The most challenge thing is, crews are not fixed every night, that means I have to do five version of the backstage plan. Thanks God! I can imagine I will feel so relief after the last show! It is a great experience but I will not do it again lah, as I have been working in sleep in the last two days!

I can not understand how can there be such a terrible seminar that the speaker is so energetic while most of the audiences are so bored. It happened in my SALP “critical thinking” workshop. That old Doctor Something (can not even remember his name) firstly asked us to analysis a 7-year-old piece of writing and asked us stupid question like “Why the message is unclear in the paragraph?” After an hour of being tolerant to his stupidity, then he asked us to analysis Plato’s “Marriage Lottery” and “Myth of the Metals” which I could not understand a single word of it. Not only me, I assumed most of us could not understand either. The ridiculous thing was, Rita, our SALP coordinator, said that this workshop was very popular so she would add two more schedule time of it. Gee! Good luck to those who were going!

Great Ocean Road Day trip

Today is another nice sunny pre-spring day in Melbourne city. For a person love beach and sunshine would not waste such a god-given day under shelters, neither would I. Stuffed a book and a few snacks in a bag, I stepped onto a tour bus which I knew no one in there and headed towards Great Ocean Road for a one-day Melbourne escape. Don’t laugh at me for travelling alone. I had been travelled by my own since I was 15. The first travelled place was Guilin, an amazing beauty city in southwest China. After that, I went to many places with no companions but ended up making heaps of new friends on the way. The most recent one was a trip to Bangkok, which I went without knowing a single word in Thai. I nearly got swindled in the city centre, but it is another story. Frankly, I don’t mind to travel alone, but it is always better to travel with someone you know. However, many adverse circumstances are either I don’t have time or they don’t have money, or another way round. I think I still have to be a self-backpacker for another few years time.

Back to the road trip of Victory famous coastal scenery; I did not enjoy much in the first half of the bus trip. I was carsick. I could not even walk when the bus stopped for a lunch break. So certainly, I did not eat anything in the whole trip. Even till now, my stomach is still complaining to me by turning my food and water upside-down. Luckily, after running for waves in the beach in meal break, I had more energy for afternoon time sight seeing. The site for London Bridge was the most fascinated scene to me. I feel as small as those beach sands when I was under the embrace from natural hands. Australia always has countless beach that we can run on it and swash our worries into the endless ocean.

It was sad at night though as I broke our fish tank. Sorry ah, Caroline! Our fish are alright. The accident was like this: after changing our fish in a container, I left the fish tank on the washing machine, which was drying my dirt. Then not the fish jumped out but the glass tank did an 1 degree diving from washing machine to the bath floor. Now our fish have to find their new home in a plastic container that was used for laundry powder before.

The other thing is, two crews have already signed out from my department. I understand their circumstances, but…what I can do is to find some substituted people luo.

A call to Sydney

Holiday starts today but I do not even have a smell of it. I really need a holiday, even if it is a short trip out of the city will be great since I have been stuck in this city for 7 months!!

My two cousins in Sydney both gave birth to a boy last month. Time flies so fast that cannot be counted. Last time I visited them I was still in high school and now I will finish my study next year. Ji Hong (my eldest cousin) told me that I was more than welcome to come down to study my master in Sydney. However, I don’t have much appealing feeling towards this vibrant and dynamic capital city. Melbourne is peaceful and multicultural; there always have events going on in the city. Compared to it, Sydney is more Asianised and those kinds of Asian culture doesn’t really bring in my favour, and it will only be my stop over. I just want to leave Melbourne behind and wipe away my hate and love for this garden city.

Master Info Updated

Wednesday was another crazy day for me. I did not even have time to go to bathroom. The time I made it was in the middle of my Asia-Pacific tute, as I was about to burst out. Worse of all, I had my lunch/dinner at 8pm. By the time I rest myself on a table to eat my stuff, the hell did not want to give me a bit of mercy and switched off the nights in union house dinning hall! What I did was to gobble up my food in 2 min and headed away with swearing to the hell.

I went to a post-graduate/master information section and had a better vision about what the courses options were offered in Melbourne uni. The professor said that it was like a mini MBA but a lot cheaper and quicker. My decision is I will do Master if I can apply for PELS. It is not necessary to be in Melbourne though, as I am sick of here and want a bit of change. Two reasons support me to continue studying: one is I will get my citizenship after my two years of master study (which will also satisfy my grandma); the other one is I really want to know more about business (this burning eager starts from my change in the earlier on). Yah, this further study may not teach me many practical skills, but it will certainly accelerate my career path.

Another self discovery: In between arts and business, I can’t decide which one I like better. They are different ways of thinking about our social behaviour and norms. I like both. Unfortunately, people can rarely pursue for things they like in the lifetime.

Chronology of my flat

Up until yesterday, when someone said to me "Have a good holiday!", I realise the two-week break is next week! It doesn’t seem to be a holiday for me as I will have a more tighten schedule than school days. Piles of school works need to be cached up; several major assignment is due after the break; plus those evil rehearsals everyday from 12 to 5.

After trying about 10 different favour of bubble tea, these days I start to explore coffee. I find a very cool coffee kiosk in a shady corner in Uni. They make creative coffees. Orange juice with Mocha; hazelnut, choc and latte; LCD (can not remember what it stands for); and much much more. Now I go there almost every week to explore their coffee and make a refreshment for myself.

Recently, there are a lot of entertainment events around to pave the way for Melbourne to enter the gloried spring season. Spring fashion show and parade in the city everyday; Melbourne show in the holiday; AFL Grand final (last year it was coincident with Soccer World Cup Final); and Melbourne cup (where I am going to work for and to see ladies falling over their high heals after a day of mucking around Flemington track).

My ex-flatmate now must be sleeping on her bed in Brisbane and enjoying the sunshine lah. Bitch! I miss you woo~~~.

It was God's hands that made us meet again after one and a half year after I quit my job in Kobe restaurant. Lucky, Pauline did not delete my phone number and I did not change my number so she could contact me two months later. There were several times we were about to move out and finally remained to stay. And now, I feel alone even though I have got a new flatmate. The feeling of belonging has changed. We built up this place, this belonging. We went shopping in IKEA and bought exactly same kind of furniture (different colour). We breed our fish (lucky we did not cook them by many times we were starving). We talked till 4am in many cold Saturday night. Ya, there are also so many small little things that could not be mentioned here. ai…… I hope I can see her soon.

Fear

Today I eventually made a visit to my grandparents’ new aged residential house in Burwood eastern suburb. It was a very nice house with sufficient sunshine overall the whole house. They also have front and back yards, with a BBQ area in front. We had a very nice long lunch under the smoothed hands of the sun.

Despite of having a nice weather today, I did not feel very happy in the end. Like most of the time after talking to my grandma, I feel upset for various reasons. This time is for my future study. She doesn’t want me to pursue for a further Master degree and suggests that I even I could not get a job I could still work in a restaurant until I get my PR. She doesn’t know how much I don’t want to stay. To be frankly, if there is nothing that ties me here, even I get a PR I will still leave. Master degree is a rope that ties me to an Australia citizenship and the satisfaction of my grandma. On top of that, I hate the way she always compares me with Lina. No matter how close we are, we are completely different persons. She will have her stable and comfortable live. I am an opposite personality of her. I like to be different. For bad and worse, I have to restrain her pressure for living in Australia, earn a lot of money and then immigrate the whole family! As in the position of her favourite beloved grandchild, I understand she expects me a lot. Unfortunately, I am a wild person that will only gallop in a plain I find myself.

All at a sudden, I have a fear in my heart - fear of loosing my flatmate; fear of being a leader; fear of future; fear of that mid-night voice and those three words. Why should I fear? What should I fear for?

A weird day

I suddenly realise that today is Sept 11 anniversary, no wonder so many wired things happen to us and they all associate with phone. Caroline picked up the person’s call she just wanna dial; I had a wired anonymous call at 2am (lucky I was still awake)!

Again, I talked with Caroline till four o’clock in the morning. I think it would be the last time for us to chat like that, as in flatmates. I will definitely miss her and, yah, hope I can get along well with Junie, my new flatmate lah.

We did a pre-spring clean up this noon. You wouldn’t know how dirty the place you are living in now until you started to do clean up seriously. Every piece are now looking shine and tidy in my “Happy Flat”.

p.s. Another weird thing was although I did not eat for the whole day, I still don’t feel hungry. I hope it is a good thing, as I read an article saying that we should allow our body to have a break once a month by not consuming any food. Hopefully, this self-cycle would improve my digestion or health circulation (I need tutoring for my medical terms!)

Mexican spirit

Last night Caroline and me had a heartful meal at a Mexico restaurant. I had been past by it many times and my desire finally dragged us up on the steps into a Mexican food journey. It was my first time to try Mexican cuisine. My knowledge of Mexico is only confined to Nachos, Tabasco and cowboy hat. What we had were … ~red~ could not remember their name! Please forgive me here because it took us half an hour to read the menu and figured out what were there in those dishes, with the names we could not even pronounce properly. On top of that, we had half a littler of Mexico red wine. I admit that I am not a good drinker, and I haven’t had alcohol for ages. So these two factors added up combined with the catalyst of wine, the chemical result was I got drunk.

Back to the food we ordered. Mexico food is not as hot as I expected it should be, unless not from this restaurant. One main course is pan fried flour with cheese and seafood stuffing; the other one is combination of rice, beans, and nachos wrap. They are all nice because they all taste exotic to me. I am looking forward for the second time visit.

My workload slows down a little bit now, and I am going to dance again tonight. People in the dance club are cool, although most of the guys are … (there is exception, he is my Street Latin teacher Tarus). Among those dance styles I am learning now, I like Swing and Ball room. The first one is fun, and the later one is passionate as my Tango steps inspiration.

A Horrify Computer Experience

The 24-hour computer lab in uni is disgusting. The smell would stick in my head for my life. I am serious. Last night, I did not know how I could survive and drag myself back home after suffering two-hour horrify hygienic condition in the lab. Yuck!

Worse of all, the pre-spring sign has been demolished by hateful raindrops. I have to stay indoor again. ~cry~
I had a site visit to ACMI (Australian Centre for Moving Image) on Tuesday as part of my MFNT lecture program. I had been down to this new gallery in the centre city before, but I did not really get the uniqueness of it. This time, as guided my lecturer, I had more insight view about the exhibition displayed under this ugly architect building. This gallery marked a new direction of future interactive gallery. As traditionally, our museum experience is prohibited from view only, with this new technology equipped gallery, we can actually have a hand on what is on display. For some items, we can also control what we want to see. It was a fascinated lecture for us to wonder around the darkness underground technology world.

I find a need flatmate. It would be better for me to find someone than find somewhere coz I really can not take on anymore. I am fear of burning out in any second if I keep wondering for my accommodation. Anyway, she is from Singapore and, coinstantly, she works in the advertising field. She told me not to do master in Marketing as it is too general. The only good thing of taking it is it makes you look good.

For career, I don’t know why I would enter the path in communication. It is very stressful and the pay is not considerably high. Indeed, I can earn a lot in accounting or brokerage, but by the time I ask myself “What I really want? Money and good life or enjoy my job?” I have a strong sense of repulse from finance industry. I condemn money, like most of my fellow media friends do, for a sufficient long time. However, after all those sufferings in the first half of this year, I know I have to be real. There are rules in the society that you can not easily break.

A nightmare

Every time I realise the date of the week is Wednesday because not up until then my life pace will slow down have time to look at my calendar. Everything will be fine by the end of today, hopefully, because three large assignment due by 5pm today. I am still struggling with one 2000-word and is waiting for the ESL check in half an hour.

Last night I was so irritated that I lost my temper completely. I yelled at Lina and cut her off in the phone. I had never ever did that to her, no matter how bad my situation is or even she woke me up at 1am mid-night. Also, I shout at Caroline because of an aggravated feeling came from nowhere. That it is the aftermath of having 4 hours sleep for two days plus so much things keep flooding in my mind. Worse of all, I had a really weird nightmare last night about my personal experience and issue which thrilled me up early this morning.

Caroline needs a career reconsideration at this stage of her life. Having been working for two years, she needs to find out what she really wants to do in her life. Finance? Bank? Or broker? She said: “You know what you want to do. Not like me!” Does she know how much I have been through to find my value? To find my destiny? I still can not say what and where am I at the moment although I have a more clear vision about what direction I want to go. The big smoke has been cleared a little bit, but it still thick enough to block my sight at any time.

A Sparkling Day

Angel is flying around in the sky as the weather is so pleasant and cosy. A pre-spring Sunday, every creature receives the atomic energy sparkle from our beloved sun and suddenly comes back to live. I always have good spirit in such a sunny warm weather. On top of that, after crazily immersing myself in busy schedule in the past few weeks, I eventually finish all my assignments, except for one last MFNT short essay. I am always content with myself for managing time well and planning everything ahead. I hate the feeling of about missing the deadline and don’t know how much more time I need to complete my task. Anyway, wind back to this morning, in reward for working hard on those economic criss-cross labour-wage curves, I throw myself out in the sooth hands of the sun. For a short while only, because I try squashing this week’s schedule and have all my school work done before next Sunday so that I can spend the last Sunday with my flatmate mucking around Melbourne.

Interestingly, I find that most of the finance student can not clarify themselves in conversations. They always like to start in the middle of their sentence and assume you know what they are trying to say. My response to them are like: “er…owo…emm…” until they ask me: “What do you think?” Then I will say: “Can you start from the beginning of your sentence/story again ~please~ (if I am in good mood)?”

I wish I could live in a city where I could enjoy the warmth from the sun, the smell from the beach, and the orderly ambient.

Yawning with weepy eyes. Tired and need a rest as I worked 12 hours yesterday plus studied intensively in the last 16 hours.

take a breath

I found a bleb on my middle finger when I woke up this morning. It became a giant knot later in the afternoon. I don’t know how come I get this kind of dirty thing? ^Pain^

呢牌残到吾残, so many things surge to me all at the same time. I have a feeling of being drown under my studies, work, moving and family matters. I know I will get over it, but now I just want to have a breath out of the flood.

My head was cramped. Although my essay is due next week, I can not write any further. There is nothing to ignite my mind for fresh new ideas. Nothing can be worse than an essay without a soul but just tamped of ideology stuff.

While I was on my tram ride home, I suddenly want to have my own house, a large one with nice courtyard. This dream is just the consequence of seeking for new places to live in the midst of my heavy workload. It brings up my memory of all those broken promises. I hate Melbourne so much so that I prefer to risk my future in an unknown place.

I find an explanation for people who like blogging: “This desire for connection, augmented by the individual will to establish a personal presence online, has created the blogger phenomenon.”